Going crazy at...
4:34 PM
Dead blog, which means more privacy for me to rant.
Just decided to moved on from the incident in 2009.
3 years of pushing, pulling and shoving. Finally decided that enough is enough.
The human heart is really mysterious. Once the heart is set upon something, it's so difficult to break free.
It took me 3 years, and a series of events that convinced my heart to give up.
The residue feelings are still there, deep inside. Yet, I am convicted to move on
I never did blame anyone but myself. Its not her fault, she moved on quicker than me.
I told myself, maybe because she's young, she's less susceptible to heartbreaks.
I on the other hand, foolishly though i could win her back.
Tried so many different ways. Tried to buy her gifts and flowers, sent her notes of encouragement, doing my best to be always with her if she needs me.
Unfortunately for me, i was only like a friend to her. And ruinously for me, i was disillusioned by the reciprocal effects and continued to love her.
3 weeks ago, the week before my POP, she told me she love another guy. I do not know that person as she didn't confide in me. She hinted that i knew him and i am a close friend to him. Reckon that was the last straw and i said i can't live like this anymore. She said we could still be friends and i spat at myself for this suggestion. I denied her and said our goodbyes.
But helplessness has led me to stalking her on facebook, twitter and her blog. Always questioning myself who is that guy that is with her now, or why is she doing there.
I'm writing because i am holding on to a false sense of security that writing will help ease my emotions. Yet i'm feeling sad and lonely. 3 weeks of not messaging, 3 weeks of looking at my empty phone.
Cried out to God many times. Yes i find assurance in Him and His promises. Yet my heartstrings were tugged many times. Need a divine intervention and need it quick.
I hate myself, that i'm not good looking enough, smart enough or nice enough to be with someone i loved so much. I still sit on my bed staring out of the window, thinking of all the pleasant times we share as a couple.
Now i'm alone
Going crazy at...
4:48 PM
