I'M BACK!!!!

Petty me

2012-01-29T16:34:00.001+08:00

Just found out something sad. She bought a gift for him. Yet shes says she doesnt have time and money to buy mine. Its not about the gift, its the thought. How can i break free from this bondage. Not a single day pass without her in my thoughts. What an unfair world. Going back in that hell hole soon. Despise that place, despise my life. I really pray someone will show up and set me free.

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2012-01-15T16:48:00.002+08:00

Dead blog, which means more privacy for me to rant.

Just decided to moved on from the incident in 2009.

3 years of pushing, pulling and shoving. Finally decided that enough is enough.

The human heart is really mysterious. Once the heart is set upon something, it's so difficult to break free.

It took me 3 years, and a series of events that convinced my heart to give up.

The residue feelings are still there, deep inside. Yet, I am convicted to move on

I never did blame anyone but myself. Its not her fault, she moved on quicker than me.

I told myself, maybe because she's young, she's less susceptible to heartbreaks.

I on the other hand, foolishly though i could win her back.

Tried so many different ways. Tried to buy her gifts and flowers, sent her notes of encouragement, doing my best to be always with her if she needs me.

Unfortunately for me, i was only like a friend to her. And ruinously for me, i was disillusioned by the reciprocal effects and continued to love her.

3 weeks ago, the week before my POP, she told me she love another guy. I do not know that person as she didn't confide in me. She hinted that i knew him and i am a close friend to him. Reckon that was the last straw and i said i can't live like this anymore. She said we could still be friends and i spat at myself for this suggestion. I denied her and said our goodbyes.

But helplessness has led me to stalking her on facebook, twitter and her blog. Always questioning myself who is that guy that is with her now, or why is she doing there.

I'm writing because i am holding on to a false sense of security that writing will help ease my emotions. Yet i'm feeling sad and lonely. 3 weeks of not messaging, 3 weeks of looking at my empty phone.

Cried out to God many times. Yes i find assurance in Him and His promises. Yet my heartstrings were tugged many times. Need a divine intervention and need it quick.

I hate myself, that i'm not good looking enough, smart enough or nice enough to be with someone i loved so much. I still sit on my bed staring out of the window, thinking of all the pleasant times we share as a couple.

Now i'm alone

SNSD SNSD

2010-12-06T09:11:00.002+08:00

Here is a pic of yuri and tiffany

Woots, yesterday was yuri's birthday. Happy birthday yuri!!!
I went out yesterday, watch Rapunzel. It was good but i almost slept :P
Today gonna be NAPFA training. Gonna do finish my OBHRM den go training
healthy living!!!

SNSD JJIANG

2010-12-03T12:29:00.000+08:00

Today is going to be multiplication.
Sad.

SNSD ROX!!!

2010-09-06T15:38:00.001+08:00

Hahas hypocrite.
Never should have believe you in the first place

Flirt

2010-07-30T18:02:00.002+08:00

Never been so angry in my life.

i feel better after throwing the things away

Irritating

2010-04-26T09:03:00.002+08:00

I have faith that my breakthrough is coming. Maybe its really time.
Thank you Father for giving me the strength for continuing doing ur work.
Its a joy being able to serve You.

I love you

God bless

2010-04-25T20:47:00.002+08:00

Took a glance at all my previous posts.
I was like wow...
Things had change so much.
The way i blog, the way i live my life.
Kinda nostalgic.
Haiz i feel that im still in the past.
Lingering on.
The past is bittersweet
but thats the way i like it.
Stuck.

God bless

2010-04-04T16:51:00.000+08:00

Day 1 and Day 2 was ok.
Feeling nostalgic.
Misses the things

God bless

2010-02-23T09:51:00.001+08:00

Embrace the new? Or cherish the old?

Confused man. I cant take both of them together?

Forget the past? or deny the future?

I wanna move forward

Sinking feeling

God bless

2010-02-14T12:27:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Chinese New Year!
Im rotting at home. Haiz. Sitting at the premises waiting for the promises. I want ang bao but not doing anything.
So sianz
Just so bored.
Some one entertain me...

God bless

2010-02-09T15:25:00.001+08:00

No. 200 post.

AIYA. I am so confused now. Starting to hate everything that im doing. WHY? hate this feeling.
I cant seem to do things right. Im always getting into trouble.
Lonely

God bless

2010-01-28T12:57:00.001+08:00

I hate the weekdays.
period.

God bless

2010-01-18T14:08:00.002+08:00

i should really be starting on my work but my lazy bone is telling me to slack
really really tired and sianz
i lack company!!!!!!!!

Waking up every morning and declare: This is the day that the Lord has made. I will be glad and rejoice in it.

WOOTs. SIANZ... 2more hrs be4 lesson start. if i could do my work now, it will be a huge bonus.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
haiz

God bless

Shawty like melody in my head

2010-01-13T10:41:00.000+08:00

na na na na

At school now.
sianz.
totally.
dont noe what to do.
just feeling like talking
no one to talk to
sianz
ahhhhh...

God bless

2010-01-05T10:42:00.002+08:00

i really should be doing my sch work now. Left 20 mins and only left abit
I find it really hard to do work consistently
i need to like chill for every 5 mins of work
God give me more capacity
Going to school in 20 mins time for project
Sianz

Go youtube Blame it on pop
its a damn nice song
its a collaboration of 2009 top 25 songs. DAMN NICE

Can you meet me halfway
This song FTW
Although it is a pop song, it is really sentimental.
hahas kenn intro me be4 and says its sentimental. Totally agree.

Cool, i spend my time just thinking, thinking, thinking bout u
Every single day yes i'm missing, missing u

SUPER NICE

My New Year resolution is to be happy. But must be specific right
I wanna be happy with myself. I wanna be happy with the situation
I wanna choose to be happy regardless of the circumstances.
I wanna be happy when people bless me
I wanna be happy when i bless other people
I wanna be happy with change

Thats all that matters to me this few weeks

God bless

2009-12-25T22:02:00.002+08:00

Rotting on christmas day
im so bored of waiting for something that im not sure about
so sianz
everyone in the house is asleep
well only me and mom is at home so means that only one person is sleeping
anyway
im bored but happy
i wish for excitement
i better be careful what i wish for
it may come to pass
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
sianz...
dont feel like playing games also
dont feel like doing sch work
just feel like talking. SIANZ

God bless

2009-12-18T14:26:00.001+08:00

Just received a call from alvin. Hahas ask me how to bugis from vivo. im surprised i can give such detailed instruction to him. Downloading some songs to put into my ipod now. 5 stars for great music.

Passing my holidays with a thanksgiving spirit. so excited for service tml.

God bless

2009-12-13T09:26:00.000+08:00

wooooooooooo
im lucky im in love with my best friend

hahas yesterday service was great
they sang lucky!!!!
excited for cell later
^^

God bless

2009-12-06T13:02:00.002+08:00

Helplessness
who will help me
Loneliness
who will help me
Betrayal
who will help me

The things i love in my life are gone.
The only things left are my tears and the pieces of my heart
I did a mistake and i can never mend it back
People change. They change to what they think is best for them
I changed too. I change to what i think is best for me
I lament everyday
I cry out to God everyday
Just take me away
I really dont have the perseverance to keep on fighting this fight
Nor do i have the faith to carry on
My friends are helping me
Bee, ken, vivian, darren, alvin.
I appreciate everything that u guys did
whether is is counseling or just listening
I aprreciate it. But whenever im alone the crushing feeling will come.
I know u guys love me. I love you guys too
I just feel really sad and helpless
I really tried to move on
I really did
But im not as strong as i used to think
In fact i realize how weak and broken i am
All i wanted was only to feel belonged to someone.
I am really chained.
But i dont wanna get out
I just want to linger in the sweetness of the past
I just want to foolishly imagine myself back to when i was happy
I just want to be in my own world where she loves me
Im sorry
i really find it hard to continue

Regret fills my heart
Sorrows surround me
Im beaten and crushed

Just foolishly longing
For you to be back
Back to my arms once again

2009-12-02T15:10:00.002+08:00

Woah... Life is moving too fast... People are evolving right in from of me... Things are not the way they use to be

Losing the joy and hope again... Im really trying to be strong. but what is this feeling of abandonment in me...

Its really hard when everything i do turns out wrong
Its really hard when people lost respect for you
Its really hard to be happy

Im still doing my best to not stray into loneliness again
its really really very diffcult
Every passing second is a tormenting thought
Every passing second i need to confess God's word
Every passing second seems like forever to me

Believe in God
Trust in God
is what people tell me
I am trying
I do believe God has something better for me
But its really very very difficult to live this life now
im going crazy because of emotions and stress
People understand what i am going through but im still suffering alone
Why was i so stupid
Why was i so unappreciative
Why didnt i realize the goodness that God gave me
Why must i lose so many things then i realize i was wrong
Why was i so complacent
Why am i still in a nightmare

Thought my faith is tested by fire, it will be found to praise, honor and glorify God
This fire is really really hot, really really burning
I pray i pass the test
But im hurt and wounded during it
The cliche sentence: No pain no gain
im in pain and im gaining a little

God please take this torment away from me

God bless

2009-11-29T11:52:00.001+08:00

TEACHER ZUZU!!!!!
hello!!! so funny 1 ar u
too bad u always kena bully by ur children
hahas must eat k. cause u growing up
JYJY!!!

p.s. DRINK MORE WATER!!!

God bless

2009-11-28T23:37:00.002+08:00

Gay fag is a faggety gay who's the gayest gay fag of all the faggety gay fags

... and he's a homo

HAHAS this sentence nv fails to crack me up. I found it on a funny video on youtube.
Its really quite funny how people will think of this kind of things
anyway, SERVICE WAS POWER!!!!!

thx dill!!!its been quite long since someone said that to me. i APPRECIATE it a lot.

God bless

2009-11-22T08:46:00.002+08:00

WOAH! so long never post
hahas just too bored to do anything
by the request of a girl who thinks that she herself is cute(bleah)
i shall post

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

hahas ^^
nay back to business
confused is the word of the month
you're confused, me too
just wish that things that happen should not have happen
but its a wish
cant revert to the past can we?
its alright on the outside
but den...
i feel that eh next word of the month will be
ultra-confused

God bless

My day

2009-08-03T10:20:00.000+08:00

FOP was great
Anniversary was great
Fasting was great
You ARE great Lord

so happy
lalala

God bless

My day

2009-08-01T15:08:00.000+08:00

today is another slack day for me
woke up at 9.
slept for 10 hrs
shiok
play play play
den now doing my term papar
halfway liao
so happy
i really hope i can finish by today cause need hand up on monday
tml no time also
haiz i left around 1 and a hlaf hr to finish
for a normal person i think can finish but for me?
i keep getting distracted
haiz
facebook facebook facebook

tml i dont think im blogging
cause i think whole day wont use com
haiz
okok i will get back to do my term paper
The Model Parenting Style

God bless

My day

2009-07-31T16:08:00.000+08:00

today was downright slacking mode
lesson from 10 to 11
den come home loh
play play play

haiz really bored

2 more days to end of fast
cant wait man

God bless

My day

2009-07-30T20:17:00.000+08:00

ITBD presentation went great
was quite impressed on how much we can do

went to AST next
i think my speech went okok
pronunciation not good again
im too caught up with engaging the audience

hahas i dont noe how i can pass each day like that

the drive to excel and live on comes from you

God bless

My day

2009-07-29T21:28:00.000+08:00

hi
finish DLE
left exam
feel kinda sad and homesick feeling
not that im not at home
but i feel that time really flies
man, people who are in sch thinks sch sux
with all of the assignments and stuff
but i feel that sch is one of the best environment one can be in
i wont want to go out into the world to work
the world is a much scarier place
when dismantling and during MAYC class when Lavina says she is not going to teach us anymore
the sinking feeling comes in again
weird but feels kinda sad

everyone is moving on
am i the only one who dwell and linger?
am i the only one who got the sinking feeling?
man.. time is passing so fast

speaking of fast
4 MORE DAYS LEFT
praise the Lord that i can go this far
THX LORD

JYJY!!!!
YOU CAN DO IT
CHEER UP :)
I WILL BE ROOTING FOR YOU

God bless

My day

2009-07-28T20:15:00.000+08:00

woke up feeling tired but manage to drag out of bed
went to school for DLE
was the first to enter the LT

didnt pay attention to DLE
haiz

well almost finish my projects
DLE tml
cant wait
so excited

I officially lost only 2 kg
my weight gain back
can go die

God bless

My day

2009-07-27T16:25:00.002+08:00

hahas
impatient right ^^
im at day 15 in my fast
hahas ^^ 6 more days^^
i officially lost 6 kg

hahas today my mentor scold me sia
so sad
she said 'alwin can u be more observant?'
so saded...
haiz...

got a few timeout chocolate from my teacher.
but cannot eat till 6. 1 and a half more hr only
my lecturer show me a video on Gandhi
and i remembered the story that pastor told
the Christians last time are really bad
feel convicted

staying back for DLE later.
really wanna do more to near completion
haiz i really want to get more for my GPA
really wanna excel

Yesterday went to restaurant
paid only 3 dollars and got a full meal
hahas

God bless
God bless

My day

2009-07-26T10:07:00.002+08:00

yesterday went to sch at 7.30 can go die
woke up at 6 zzzzz
stand for 5 hrs
smile for 5 hrs
can go die
damn tired

after that go service
wanted to change my clothes
in the end lazy so nv change
yesterday pastor msg was super good

went to dillon house and met his family
his mom hip
lol
went home den feel like sleeping
zzz

woke up today
later when the guys leave i will do my work
sianz
later got dinner
but 15 dollars
can go die
hahas

cookies = no more ^^

God bless

My day

2009-07-24T22:08:00.002+08:00

Today was a fine day
woke up at 10.30
so means i slept well
played facebook
in the morning

in the afternoon i went bras basah to buy book. first time there. really a lot of books
service at tecman is damn good
really can feel the spirit ^^
i even got a discount from the auntie.
so nice.

went work after that.
long time nv work already
think i will get sore throat from all the shouting
anyway somemore no pay
can go die
nvm it will come
30 dollars will come

tml i need go sch at 7.30
can go die
so need wake up at 6.
jonathan give the face cause he staying over.
haiz.. 1 cca point nia
can go die
got food but cant eat
zzzz
now feel like drinking coke
shit havent prepare speech and term paper

diediedie
DLE IS THE WORST
haiz

God bless

My day

2009-07-23T20:53:00.003+08:00

My group finish MAYC and i finish fp le
so happy.
hahas tml got work and going bras basah buy book. at last going buy
wont disappoint u le kelvin

today after fasting my mom prepare curry chicken for me
i ate one of your cookies.
left 1 only
think gonna finish it tml

im addicted to facebook
i should make it my home page...
anyway my mozilla has some problems with blogger. im even typing now in a small window
pathetic. i cant give u a screenshot but it sux

anyway
i got into one of the ushers for Parents forum
its on sat 7.30am to 2 pm
and breakfast is provided.
BUT, im fasting... saded
nvm, God's word is more than sufficient
im just happy that i can represent my sch as an usher

Got C for my math lesson plan
overall a B. not even a Bplus
haiz i really wanna get into director list
JY ALWIN

God bless

My day

2009-07-22T20:59:00.003+08:00

hihi ^^
i reach home so late. around 8.30.
so sianz.
got to do so much things tml
going crazy
relying on God's Strength

just now i put in 70 cents into vending machine come out 2 100plus sia.
not bad hor

haiz. im so tired
i really must do well for this sem
if not i can go die
i really dont wanna slack off.
i want to excel.

anyway cookie still left 3
i dont dare eat
hahas

blogger always got problem.
eating chicken now.
facebooking too
facebook rox

and u noe who else rox

God bless

My day

2009-07-21T12:35:00.004+08:00

rotting my life away at some random place at Ngee ann
haiz...
waiting for MAYC lecture now
so sianz
i was planning to do my FP
den i realize i dont have the guidelines paper to do...
den i tried to do myself.
den close without saving
was cursing SHIT
i think people behind me heard me
haiz

just played some games on facebook
do some quizzes too
waaa sianz
still got Mayc & ITBD
can go die

just now was feeling damn damn hungry
nvm
God's Word will be my strength
damn now im feeling hungry again
AHHHHHHHHHH

God bless

My day

2009-07-20T18:05:00.001+08:00

woot.
just broke fast.
ate the kuey until so full

attachment was ok
didnt get to implement lesson
haiz
how
friday need pass up

havent go buy the book every young man battle
haiz
so lazy

FM lesson was good, i understand and learned something

now i think i going do my ast^^
hahas think gonna eat ba kwa later ^^

cookies left 3.
its delicious ^^
eating slowly^^

God bless

2009-07-19T20:43:00.004+08:00

Smiling face^^
thx

Cell was great ^^
feel a bit guilty cause was distracted
but the presence of God was there

came home with alvin
keep playing com
didnt do my fp
den the guys came to play mahjong
after that we went dinner at ghk
after that went badminton court stay till 8pm
^^

hahas ^^

God bless

My day

2009-07-18T11:03:00.002+08:00

hi^^
its 11am now
going service soon
haiz havent do FP.
im gonna die.
no idea
some more mentor evaluating me

fasting still
relying more and more on God's strength
service will strengthen me more

i think my frens are gonna stay over today
hmmm
maybe tonight will have programs ^^

Still hanging on baby ^^

God bless

My day

2009-07-17T19:48:00.002+08:00

hahas. i am sick...
shit...
having so much mucus in my nose
ahhh i dont want sick

YAY tml service. so happy
anyway, today after fp go do project
guilty sia nv do much
but my group is awesome
thx for picking a slacker like me

now a home, playing Prototype
nice game but gettign tired.
quite difficult sia the game
so little cheats somemore

i havent do my fp lesson plan
die to the MAX
haiz
nvm tml service gonna be refreshing
going bath

p.s i lost 4 kg^^

God bless

My day

2009-07-16T10:35:00.002+08:00

Heya!!

im gonna start to blog on my everyday events
dont noe why i feel like it
or is that a hidden reason :P:P
anyway

Today class was cancelled.
so happy
got to meet for DLE later at 1 and den 2 - 4 AST
den go home ^^
so happy la ^^
hahas still fasting
must really lean on the Lord

was playing facebook the whole morning
got a change of plans....
meeting 12.30 instead of 1....
haiz nvm... got to log off liao
going sch
see you later^^

God bless

2009-07-15T21:20:00.000+08:00

2009-07-15T19:52:00.004+08:00

tears flowing out of my eyes
i couldnt stop it
WHY
why does it have to be this way
why do u do things to hurt me so much
why... is ? all you can say.

help me...
im falling...

I'm with you

2009-07-13T22:26:00.002+08:00

going zzz soon
i realize the blog skin i pick all have very small font size.
it pisses people so that they wont even bother to read
i think this way when i look at my own blog...

ok random..

random has become an adjective!!! not only noun but adjective !!! so cool right
so random is now an official descriptive word.
for example "IM SO RANDOM"
period

ITS A DAMN COLD NIGHT, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THIS LIFE
the song rox>>>>
take time to listen at least till chorus
HOOKED

stressed till pants dropping out.
fighting till fats bouncing up and down
missing parts of my life
got to wait to get the parts back
got to persevere till the end

im just scared, the part will not return

God bless

damn

2009-07-06T21:39:00.003+08:00

man do u really need to do this?i
m gripping the lappie mouse like madman
i feel so angry and hurt

but its all self-inflicted
u didnt cause it
u have all the freedom u want

but why am im feeling so lousy
isnt facebook suppose to be fun for me?
why suddenly i dont feel like facebooking anymore
is just photos, why am i so upset

MAN. DAMN.

really feel like screaming
are those words really true?
did u really mean it from ur heart?
or just saying it cause i said it first

i dont noe. i dont noe

God bless

Breakthru

2009-06-26T17:21:00.002+08:00

wat shall i ever do
do bring those times back again

I love my memories
but still, they only remain as memories
how i wish they were still around
change is so hard to accept

i need my breakthru
im desperate for it

zoom zoom zoom
goes the flashbacks
zoom zoom zoom
goes the thoughts and actions
zoom zoom zoom
goes my life

God bless

Director's list

2009-06-09T15:22:00.001+08:00

Damn... i just realize i not in the top 10 percent.
i must work harder now.
damn... must stop slacking...
must be top 10 for this year. i dont care.
CONVICTED!!!!!!!
STOP STARING CHRIS
it can be done.
Pls God.

God bless

Enough.

2009-06-02T20:33:00.002+08:00

addicted to school rumble now.
lots of addiction.
cant list them, too much.

cant type much too
haiz.
just feeling empty
not even sad or lonely
just empty
how to cure?

hiding is not a good thing
so is revealing

Enough

Enough

God bless

Primera Espada

2009-05-21T17:57:00.001+08:00

Stark. 1. Primera Espada. Enuf said.

God bless

Stark, Barragan, Halibel, Kurunda.

2009-05-14T13:28:00.004+08:00

My favourite Aizen-sama sentence:(music stops) 'Stark, Barragan, Halibel, come.'

OMGOSH its so cool. STARK IS LIKE THE BEST CHARACTER ON BLEACH.
i love him more than Aizen now. Sorry Aizen-sama.
Stark will have more fans now. Sure one.
I want to be his No. 1
HE IS THE PRIMERA ESPADA. THE NUMBER ONE.
I like his gloves a lot.

God bless

DANG!

2009-05-01T22:14:00.000+08:00

Dang... i hate imeem...

God bless

Lonely

2009-04-27T11:25:00.002+08:00

Jeezz...
i was just browsing through facebook photos and i got teeny weeny sad.
friends that i once knew were hanging our with friends that i once knew...
its kinda sad. when i see that im not in the picture.
im getting that stupid feeling again.
if my computer could talk and behave like a human, it would be my best friend....
haiz.

God bless

Good Lord

2009-04-17T01:28:00.002+08:00

im sorry alright?
i didnt noe what i was doing.

school reopening in 3 days.
WHY?
i hate going to sch

watching xmen origins now
quite cool but the quality sux...
im so sleepy... its 1.30am here..
well...

trying to find a nice present for her
in the end bought a stupid thing for her...
i feel so lame and so not unique
and i have no MONEY!!!!!!!
haiz...

i really pray that my building fund can fulfill
i may be poor now but not forever

im saving up for my BIKE!!!
well... ok just kidding.
i want a bike... any1 dont want can give me:)

God bless

Deep thoughts

2009-04-09T11:27:00.002+08:00

maybe a long post?
i feel so bad for bloggie
its been such a long time that i really wrote a long post.
just been too addicted with games and too busy with stuff
maybe i should rant...
maybe....

well still a few days more be4 veggie fast end...
will run the last mile in full speed.
later i will be leading center bus. i hope i dont screw up

i realize im getting older and older each day
my good O' teenager's years are over.
oh man.. i really dont wanna be 18
i dont wanna grow up...

im starting to think more deeply now.
but im losing it...
i want fun... but now im troubled with so many stuff

damn my emotional side of me still have not changed
im still easily swayed by events i seen and heard

man... what is happiness... im not happy now.
even though im doing great things but im not happy.
really wanna spend quality time with everyone

i sound like morrie in Tuesdays with Morrie....

well .. everyone has their own life to live... i just hope i can leave a good lasting impression in their lives.

we couldnt get back together, could we?

God bless

2009-03-29T22:06:00.003+08:00

HI DEAD BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omgosh i have nothing to do.
feel so bad that i neglect you.
sorry

God bless

2009-02-20T13:42:00.001+08:00

i cant get u off my mind
really i cant...

God bless

2009-01-27T22:35:00.002+08:00

i notice that my blog layout is such that people get pissed off by reading my post...
haiz..
im so busy with project now...
neglecting my dear dear...
im so sorry.
pls understand?
it will be over soon and im yours for 2 months
ok?

God bless

2009-01-22T21:31:00.001+08:00

yawns...
haiz...
saded...
so lonely....

God bless

2 days left

2008-11-25T14:34:00.001+08:00

2 more days i can see my dear... WAAA so excited.
she say she gonna buy thing for me... so nice of her...
gonna pon sch on thurs but still coming for project...
just to be with her for a few hrs, i will be satisfy

Counting down: 2 days

God bless

counting down

2008-11-23T12:19:00.002+08:00

haiz... i miss you honey...
counting down : 4 days

God bless

good lord, bless her

2008-11-19T16:44:00.002+08:00

been a rather rough week. Had 3 big quarrels in the family... haiz.. no one to turn to to talk. Haiz..
it sux being in this family but i will make do with it. as long as you are here for me..but u are not at the moment...

yea i miss opening of Asia Conference today. got to do my school work and got to work too.
tml still gonna meet classmates discuss... but its ok.... work is necessary.
Counting down to her return : 8 days.

missing you loads.

God bless

Emptiness

2008-11-17T17:43:00.001+08:00

haiz... damn it... i really feel so damn empty now...
whats with me... i cant do anything right today..
even forgot that i go work...
haiz... damn it man... why do u have to go...

I miss you. miss you much...

God bless

Missing you...

2008-11-16T23:37:00.002+08:00

feel like crap now.
feeling so empty inside.
i cant even feel the physical pain from the scalding...
haiz... im just so unfortunate...
its only the first few hrs and i feel so lonely already

i miss you too. miss you much

God bless

2008-10-29T23:21:00.001+08:00

SO BORED AT HOME
its almost 11.30...
cant get to sleep
just so sianz..
only can look forward to tml
but whats there to look forward too?
getting tired and more tired.
emotional and financially drained.
haiz

God bless

Long long ago, in a far away land.

2008-10-03T23:41:00.000+08:00

Hi blog! so boredddd today....
i fasted today, again. for that stupid area of my life...
haiz... what i need is really divine intervention and a move from God.
nvm, Alwin will jyjy and continue fast twice a week.

anyway so cool... my frens are ending exams and im starting school...
they having holidays while i rot in NP....
haiz... cant WAIT for that to happen
YAWNZZZZZZZ
almost 12 leh. i have to prepare my testimonial by wed.
so i can show bee leng.
tml its service!
i miss service

God bless

2008-09-18T12:27:00.001+08:00

YAWNS..
got above average for my GPA
so happy...
bored at home.
downloading and playing lame games
haiz

God bless

Destiny!!!

2008-09-09T11:51:00.003+08:00

yea im a bit slow but i finish watching gundam seed destiny
haiz... kinda miss it already
nice show but hate shinn
hahas ending so sad...
the stupid chairman die... haiz...
in the end the stupid rey noe captain gladius is his mom
toopid show

anyway so bored at home
having holidays while other people are studying
so sianz
haiz i miss u :)
miss u lots

God bless

2008-09-05T21:03:00.002+08:00

MOVE ON ALWIN!!!
yea thats what im doing
moving on.
simple as it is
difficult in reality
i will still hold on to stuff
that i will selfishly say that are mine
things like*ahem* and *ahem*
but of course there are more letting go than holding on

yea, this week of holiday is boring
even with all the outings and gathering, i still kinda bored
multiplication has already drilled into my mind liao.
i dont feel the pain anymore
good thing? or bad.
who noes
time will tell

stop getting so worked up alwin!
stop getting so serious
take things easy
stop nagging like a old man
people dont like it
'ok'

God bless

2008-08-21T11:15:00.002+08:00

yea. it had not been a good week for me.
seen things i shouldnt see, heard things i shouldnt hear
just so screwed...
love is turning to hate.
its all just a illusion.
and i thought i was triumphant.
its all wrong.
i was the one who lost.
and suffered.

God bless

2008-07-30T17:15:00.004+08:00

chris says it will get better in time...
i beg to differ...

i want her to come back into my arms
i dont want her to leave
stupid ego, stupid pride
is this how it should turn out?
is this a dream?
why did u change so much?
why cant it be like the past?
why did it turn out this way....

my heart is shattered... again... this time, i noe it can nv be piece back again
im doing my best to put on a smile... to talk to people the way i used to
its getting harder n harder each day...
what can i do?
only scream into the pillow every night?
only to wallow in self-pity?
i hate myself
if im more good-looking, none of this will have happened...
dont leave me..........
DONT.........

i found u under that tree
the place of fateful meeting
u saw my eyes, i saw yours
saw the spark that says all
we decided on that very day
to never leave each's embrace
but one day, the birds flew away
u left my arms n went ur way

left under that tree
so it seems
my love for u
will never cease
under the tree i will be
to wait for u to be back to me

God bless.......

2008-07-11T18:47:00.001+08:00

IM DUMBFOUNDED.....
they cr8ted a blog for me...im speechless...
i walk a lonely road.. the only one that i had ever noe....
haiz... my brothers.... WHERE ARE U??????

God bless

2008-07-07T22:55:00.002+08:00

feeling so tired.... wanna just keep sleeping...
yawnz... bee bee is disappointed with me... its so obvious... i always disappoint her...
but whats the point... haiz..

yes i gave up... u wont be here to see this but i gave up.... i just dont wanna hurt u anymore..
its hard to forgive.. forgiveness is not just accepting an apology... its more than that... im incapable of doing that...

God is still there for me watever i go through...

God bless

2008-07-02T17:44:00.003+08:00

Viva la Vida (Coldplay)

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sweep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

Keep hearing this song nowadays... felt quite sad for my King...
haiz... even though i dont get the full meaning of the song, but... its still sad...

anyway... project rushing in again... i just love ngee ann... all work n no breaks...
just when i recieve back my ita assignment i got another one thats needs completing
anyway... im so happy... my ITA got A+!!! im like so happy la... My grp partner was like also so happy... can share testimonial for cell....

grrrr.... the guys can go sunday service and i cant... so not fair la.... MUST WORK WORK WORK..... haiz..... dont even noe if next monday got holiday anot....hope ngee ann will give holiday... but my lecturer nv say anything... sure fat hope one....

Im like rotting at school now... i cant go home cause its too late, i cant go to work, cause its too early... fed up with smelling the food in the canteen but cant buy it... IM BROKE...
haiz... nvm today earn money liao... JY ALWIN

GOSH!!!! im feel so sinful... haiz...
this post look so long to me... My posts cant put title... even if i put it wont show up on the blog... i think its time to change my skin...
NOT my skin... my blog's skin

God bless

lol?

2008-06-30T17:21:00.003+08:00

what should i say?
just trying to be myself wherever i go...
it just aint working...
haiz...

deliverance!!!
heard from shannon that wont have mass deliverance... ok...
my frens were like so shocked when i and shannon was talking bout deliverance
they were like super scared...
i wanna laugh but cannot
must maintain cool image
LOL

God bless

2008-06-28T12:10:00.002+08:00

hihi:)
back to posting...
this week has been horrendous....
haiz... emotions are overcoming me
how am i going to face her again.... im going to see her today...
sad... im so sad... my good fren lost...
haiz... its ok... there are still many good frens out there to be found...

God bless

2008-06-20T22:22:00.002+08:00

ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I BLOGGED
had a very busy break...
haiz...
anyway... i fasted for a few days, woke up 5am to go prayer meeting for 5 consecutive days, serving in children church, connect grp meeting, boys hangout, project from school, my part-time work...
its like so stress la...
but im really crucifying the flesh...
hahas although my body is screaming for help, im so happy inside
hahas... anyway, huishan n vivan n alvin came back from malaysia...
hahas they bought me gifts!!! im so happy la
shan bought me a T-shirt when i said i wanna a polo T... well its still fine... HAHAS
alvin bought me a thingy that can be put around the neck.. am wearing it now... some people say is form tibet monks... if its real i will remove it... anyway thx alvin, its the thought that counts
VIVIAN DIDNT BUY ANYTHING FOR ME... I AM SO SAD
... haiz... got bf forgot bro liao....
anyway i hope the last 2 days of holidays will be fruitful

God bless

2008-06-04T20:01:00.002+08:00

This saying really impacted me...
Its says: If u noe these are not the things from God, den these are the things from the Devil
guess who said it to me? Jonathan.
I must really thank him for saying this to me.
This is really tormenting me.
Did i sin again? I didnt lust, i didnt lewd, i just got jealous.
Super jealous
why am i using my assignment time now to blog about this.
Because this is a public declaration.
I am offically out of crush.
I should really appreciate my singlehoodness now.
Thx jon for impacting me with that saying
i noe that sentence was from the spirit of the Father
i clearly see it now.
Thx minghui for indicating to me that she wasnt the right one
althought he may not have noe what he has done.

I wanna thank my Almighty Father for showing me the light
another saying really impacted me.
It says: You are Mine, and i dont make mistakes.
I cried when i heard God saying this to me.
I knew i was wrong.
I knew that i must not be depress over my looks and my character
but i wallow in self-pity all the time.

I wanna thank Jiaying for really taking out time to talk to me and to care for me.
Even after she noes that i sin against her, she still cares.
I really wanna thank God for really giving me His grace
And i really do not wanna think of having putting God as second in my life anymore.
For He is the King over my life.
My Saviour, My Father
I love you

God bless

2008-06-01T23:55:00.002+08:00

currently studying for tml child dev test
i cant believe im really studying... haiz... Alwin muts jiayou
im so excited for camp la... i really hope that more of my frens can go...
so far i only have vincent... he rox man...
haiz...

worrying bout tml test... worrying bout assignments, worrying bout everything
but the Lord says worry not...
haiz... can only pray to stop worrying

so people respect me as a Christian?
i dont noe...
recently i heard of lots of so called christians throwing the whole community of christians' faces away...
haiz... cant they have the love of Christ in them?
im not perfect myself... at least i dont go around telling people that they are gonna burn in hell...
im counting my blessings....

God bless

2008-05-28T17:49:00.002+08:00

Even after s&w, im still in school...
why? because it will be meaningless to go home.
why? because when i reach home, i need to rush off to work....
so mind as well stay in school to slack...
haiz.. assignments sux
so many la...
super stress....
so many tests coming also...
envy the secondary school KIDS
haiz

still struggling inside of me... temptation of coming in heaps and bounds
so far i been doing good resisting them
yea, i believe these evil days will be over
and a better man will emerge out

I JUST GOT A HARICUT!!!!
hahas teacher said it was nice, mommy said it was nice.... jon n ming say ok....( they are just jealous)
But who cares? At least i feel so much more confident now... hahas :)

I just realize that when im playing game, i will nv wanna do my work....
haiz... all this play is distracting me...
must really buck up....

vincent is coming for the CAMP!!!!!!!!!!
hahas... but waiyu not coming... wdh... if she dont come, rachel and diana wont come also...
toopid la...
wa lao....
but nvm... vincent is good enuf
pray that he will not ps me at the last moment

God bless

2008-05-20T20:08:00.003+08:00

I love it when my frens have that beautiful smile on their face...
i wanna upload their photos on my blog but on second thought, it will look a bit pervert.

so i decided not to upload their photos
despite of seeing them so happy, i feel kinda jealous
i dont noe whats wrong with me
but i feel that why is it not me that is smiling that toothy smile
why am i not the one feeling jubilant?

im starting to hate my looks...
it really sux
why cant i have looks like those of superstars
why do i have to have to pimply face, big mouth, big nose, double chin n fat face
everyone seems to judge me by my looks
i cant help it if im ugly
isnt my innerself enuf?
i love smiling too...
i love hugs too...
i love frens too...
but why aint all this coming in my way
why must i only see people having these stuff but me myself dont have
IM YEARNING FOR FRENS
frens of pure heart
frens of good soul
n most important
frens that noe that i am there n they are there for me...
is that too much to ask???

God bless

2008-05-17T23:22:00.002+08:00

this i something i found on the net while i was thinking of frenship

A Good Friend
In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
In primary school your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you; held your hand as you walked through the scary halls; helped you stand up to the class bully; shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus; saved a seat on the back of the bus for you; knew who you had a crush on and never understood why.
In secondary school your idea of a good friend was the person who let you copy their social studies homework; went to that "cool" party with you so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshie there; did not let you lunch alone.
In pre-university your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car; convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded; consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan; found you a date to the prom or went to the prom with you (both without dates); helped you pick a university and assured you that you would get into that university; helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time letting you go.
On the threshold of adulthood your idea of a good friend was the person who was there when you just couldn't deal with your parents; assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything; just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories; and reassured you that you would make it in university as well as you had these past 18 years; and most importantly sent you off to university knowing you were loved.
Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, hold your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!
Pass this url on to those friends of the past, and those of the future...and those you have met along the way.
Thank you for being a friend.
No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there.
There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you love them.

i done a fren test too... im a 96% good fren... they branded me as an Awesome fren...

but so what if im always the goody-2-shoes...

i wanna a fren that is serious too...

is it that difficult...

i noe i dont have looks...

so i try hard to look my best

it just dont work

tried to change my way of talking, way of socializing

still dont work...

it seems like everyone get their very good fren

but i dont noe if anyone puts my name in their good frens list

its really kinda hurting...

but no use ranting too

no matter how much i wanna a good fren

it seems so impossible...

but i tried my best....

God bless

2008-05-15T22:41:00.000+08:00

im just hoping tml will be a better day
i just wanna it to be not very diffcult, not very stressful
i just pray that i will get over n done with school n come home n slack
haiz... im starting to dont like school...
haizz

God bless

2008-05-01T11:57:00.001+08:00

im so bored at home
haiz... must quickly finish assignment den can RIP

sorry... i disappoint u again
sorry....

God bless

2008-04-25T12:01:00.001+08:00

yea... im rotting at home... so bored...
havent call my childcare centre yet....im damn lazy
haiz these few days of sch tire me out
im feeling so not myself
haiz
it really sux being the only guy

anyway
i can go service tml liao!!!
im so happy
im able to go service with my members
HAHAS

sunday i also can go for cell grp!!!
im like so elated
but im short of cash
nvm, praise God

God bless

2008-04-18T22:38:00.002+08:00

i cried today...
not because i was touch by God,
i always cry when touched by God
today was different

i maybe a guy, but i feel that im not that tough as a guy
im quite emotional n sensitive, on the contrary
i quarrel with this guy at workplace
he was like the owner of the gym
i dont care who he was
i just scolded him like siao
he in turn had a heated quarrel with me
everyone in the gym was like telling me to stop
after that i went to the restroom
n burst into tears
i was like thinking
im a man n i cried
tears kept coming down
i realise it was not the quarrel that trigger my tears
it was all the shit i been through this past few weeks
that made me tear
my uncle was like congratulating me on scolding him
cause he also dont like that person
but i dont care
i cried on the way home too
my cousin msg me say i christian shouldnt have quarrel
den i cried even more
i fail to glorify the Lord
i cried n cried
silently

i wish for comfort
that was not a sentence a guy will usually say or show
but i was desperate for it
i have God, but something inside me yearn for more
i desire man's attention
now sitting here blogging
i can feel tears already
how i wish someone is beside me now
understanding how i feel
comforting me
show me care
wishful thinking...
ignorant alwin....

God bless....

2008-04-17T19:34:00.000+08:00

SCHOOL ROX
I LOVE THE LECTURERS
I kinda LOVE MY CLASSMATES
hahas, made a few frens
hahas....

God bless

2008-04-14T22:39:00.002+08:00

bullshit....
its sux in school
sux big time

God bless

2008-04-03T14:49:00.002+08:00

im having the sinking feeling...
i really really miss attention from people
from my frens
haiz...
actually i dont wanna school to start
n i wanna stop working
i just wanna hang out with them
its been a long time since we really enjoy ourself
haiz
but some people left us
like kok seng, adrian....
why did they leave?
did we do something wrong?
or did we not do something?

I MISS the cell grp
its been so long since i been attending cell
thats the time i really felt part of the family
haiz
2 months had past without attending cell
MISS IT SO MUCH

actually, to be truthful, i just miss the people there
still remember when the whole cell was at eliz house
SO many people
den we have games n praise n worship
it was great
but one by one people left us
i done a bit of research
since we multiply, we have 17 members
now, after bout 3 months, we have 19 members
not that we are not growing
its that people are leaving
why cant we go on like last time
be4 mulitplication
haiz.... i really really dont noe what to do
that sinking feeling is getting into me
i dont like it
it feels like the end of holidays
it sux

i hope the Spirit of the Lord is still inside of me
i dont feel the fire anymore
i still love the Lord but i dont desire Him as much as last time
was it the influence of people in the cell that made me on fire?
i dont noe...
what i noe is that people make a great deal
my sister say im a people person
im living for people
haiz...
feel so empty when im alone
how i wish someone was here with me
wishful thinking...

God bless

2008-03-31T12:30:00.002+08:00

yo!!! long time never post
i decided, hahas
its damn simple loh
to throw away those feelings
LOL

kenichi history greatest disciple is GONE
i finished watching the anime
sianz... its really damn nice loh
i love kenichi
haizzz
hope got season 2

now watching the wei siao pasta by cyndi
lol quite funny
wanna watch one piece too
quite the anime freak this few weeks
haiz

school starting in 2 weeks time
i really dont wanna go school
haiz

God bless

2008-03-19T00:42:00.001+08:00

so crazy over youtube now
over nigahiga!!!
hahas
he is funny :P

hahas... lots of assignments to do!!!
i pray God will be my strength
so happy too that im given jobs to do
:)
stress is good :P

God bless

2008-03-13T11:12:00.002+08:00

tio....
holidays are good when everyone are having them
but no holiday mood? sucky...
haiz... im completely addicted to my laptop
not exactly my laptop but the games inside it...
im going to degenerate into a geek
i hope not....
anyway im not going to my ex schoolmates gathering...
cause i got work
haiz... think work more impt

im like so broke now after i bought my laptop
haiz... since im fasting today so its ok to not eat
hahas
really need blessings now
God is putting me through a test
i will pass it
with flying colours

God bless

2008-03-02T00:30:00.003+08:00

*yawnx*
haiz
really work work n work these few days
no time for basically anything
going service tml
going to be great
cant go for cell, make up cell, sat service
haiz
MISS EVERYONE

lucky today i saw minghui, he was comin back from makeup
so i went with him go bm mac eat
saw cheryl
was like omgosh
hahas
minghui she's looking at u
:P:P

God bless

2008-02-23T20:04:00.002+08:00

Had overnight prayer meeting
it was great... i thought at first its gonna be tiring.... but it turn out really really great!!!
to think my saviour is such a great God
HAHAS!!! im so proud that im a Christian!!!!
IM LETTING GO!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!
HAHAS
with God all things are possible!!
im really learning to control myself liao
Praise is to Jesus
Glory to the Lord
HAHAS
im so elated!!!

God bless

2008-02-17T23:57:00.003+08:00

feeling very very ordinary
i guess its when i dont get to see the impt people in my life often, i will turn ordinary
but im special aint i?
but i feel so average
i mean, no matter how hard someone go or how much someone achieve
there is definately someone better than him
haiz... how to shine like stars..
im feeling less n less commited
what did pastor tan preach?
must be commited n loyal
but its difficult
its the world i guess
i cant seem to get rid of these bad habits
mature mature mature
haiz...
dont feel like ranting
feeling so childish now

HAHAHAHA
My life is screwed
I really sux
seeing the woman i loved loving another guy
it really sux does it
i thought only dramas has it
i was so filled up with jealousy n rage
i feel like tearing the computer apart
its these fucking little things that ruin people's day
i just really really hate her now
There was this song that says in chinese, having a crush is a form of respect
wtf was that
respect??
its just right smack thrown on the ground
n she spat on it
it really hurts
it really really does
thx alphie n eliz n mav for keeping my secret
really feel like letting go
i just realize, i tell u 3 most of my secrets
u guys just gave me the feeling that u can trust u guys
n u 3 kept it for so long
thx man
i really hope we can be closer
especially alvina:)
shes busying studying for her tests
really hope she will do well
well alphie if u are seeing this
JIAYOU!!!!
hahas smart girl u turn out to be
IT REALLY SUX MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD THIS PAIN IS UNBEARABLE
I MUST NOT HAVE AN ENVIOUS MIND
BUT THE FUCK
I DONE SO MUCH TO HELP THAT GIRL
I SACRIFICE SO MUCH JUST TO BE NEAR HER
but she aint sensitive...
not sensitive at all
respect to u is lost

God bless

2008-02-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

i feel empty, i need to rant tonight
its 12am now, as im typing
i feel this post is gonna be so long

its been so long since i go read people posts, but when i had time today, i look at all the posts, they did change, as in they were more of feelings than words.
A storm is coming, with regards to frenship matters. so what if its in code red, we will find a way through this. With such little faith from u, it may be hard

My life was relatively good... not short with money.
However win some lose some
i lost something precious to me
its some how gone
that urge in me
laziness had overcome
but its not over yet
God is still here
how i miss His presence
hahas i should always depend on him...

im sorry for what i dont to u
u will never come n see this apology
never... but i love u through n through
dont misunderstand, i love everyone
its just that my mistake was too grave
i still not had forgiven myself for doing wrong to u
u had been my happiness for a while
but i knew i was using u
damn me... u are still too young
im a bastard i noe
i was not giving enuf to u
u always said i was good to u
but deep down i knew i was being evil
heck those people who come read this post
i dont care anymore
i had already confessed my sins to the Lord
but i still find myself troubled
how many times i have done wrong to u
u didnt even say anything
what a fool i was

n what a fool i am now
still clinging on to that fucking crush
it sux man
to think im still so immature
how to break away
its so diffcult to accomplish
im a guy, how do i relate? who do i turn to to speak my mind
God is always my first choice, but i need man too
not implying that im gay, but i need humans to talk to
is it too diffcult for that
i wanna change
change into a different guy
a quieter guy, a cooler guy
its not easy
but can i make it?
will people like my new self?

so im going to end my post from a quoting provided by diana's blog
'Sometimes we have to choose to let go of some things in order to achieve more'
think bout it

God bless

2008-02-07T14:40:00.000+08:00

what a lonely day
today is first day of cny n im home alone
at least my sis let me play com
lucky
haiz
the first day no hong bao
haiz
nvm la
got computer pei wo
....

God bless

2008-02-05T23:35:00.000+08:00

its like so long since i last post
i can somersault on the trampo!!!
hahas
conquer my fears
had good days be4 this post
i mean
it was alright
the people around me
i mean nothing really bad happened
nothing really good happen either
haiz

God bless

2008-01-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

cant say nothing happen today
cant say things happen today
haiz... just a fair day
secrets kept, sin confessed
just bored at home
i really need someone in the morning
cant wait to start school
so i could meet new people
haiz... is that actually what i want
i noe what i want
just that its unrealistic
thats why i didnt put it down in my goals card
haiz...
actually, most of the time, people do get disappointed because of expectations that were not fulfilled
its life...
helping people a dozen times may be cancelled out with one mistake
the bad is more remembered than the good
i search google, bad appeared 989,000,000 times while good appear 2, 270,000,000
so good is twice that bad
that means 1 in 3 chances that an article is bad?
does that apply for people too
1 in 3 people are bad?
humans are evil or good by nature
God say its evil by nature
even other religion says man are evil by nature
so its true?
we are all bad?
people who read until this point may think i have a limited vocab
but in my opinion good n bad are all very innocent words
used by parents to teach children n children among themselves
u dont hear children saying: the boogieman is EVIL
u hear children saying: the boogieman is BAD
n u dont hear children saying: mom was MARVELOUS today
u hear children saying: mom was GOOD to me today
after we grow up, we began to use other words to replace simple words like good n bad
come to think of it, adults dont use innocent words in conversation now
its something to think about
who will write this GOOD long post actually?
hahas, u get my point :)

God bless

2008-01-07T14:51:00.000+08:00

always getting mail from all the polys
haiz... why do they want me so much
im just an average student
i dont even care to rip the letters open to see what is it about
sure its about 'TP is the poly for u!' or 'NYP is the choice'
so lame
pls la, people can think
those letters are for people who have not set their respective goals in their studies
humans always need inspiration to fuel their everyday activities
we are vulnerable aren't we?
take for example YOURSELF
we all had been hurt be4
n we are going to continue hurting
either we hurt others, or people hurt us
its too bad the world is like that
world peace? unlikely

God bless

2008-01-05T11:53:00.000+08:00

hello!!!!! long time no update
now updating
now at jonathan house
listening to vulgar song
damn lame sia
jonathan cant sing
now he calling me shut up
dont wanna shut up leh

so sianz
start school i at home rot
stupid sia
haiz..
just waiting for time to pass
haiz

God bless